Your Looking For What in a Spouse? ~ Part 2 of 2

"A husband is to take on the responsibilities of leadership, a wise husband realizes real leadership requires a lot of listening." Dennis Rainey

   Last week I wrote a post concerning what young women should be looking for in a spouse. I based what I wrote off of a radio broadcast put out by Family Life Today. You can find the link here for the one I used to write this post. As I've listened to these broadcasts, I've come to the realization that though each one is specifically geared to separate genders, I as a girl can been encouraged specifically when listening to the one geared toward guys. I've seen I have lots of room to grow in being a woman that lives in a way that honors the Lord. So, weather your a guy or a girl, may you be encouraged!

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   Biblically, the man is held accountable as the leader in his home. Men need to step forward and be the man God calls them to be, and women need to encourage them in this. Genesis 2:18 says, "Then the Lord God said,  "“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for^e him.”" A women's main objective is to be the cheerleader (helper) for her husband.

     1) A girl should have a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. (Note: same as previous article has for first)

        ~  2 Corinthians 6:14 says, "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" If a young women is not bowing before and acknowledging that the Lord is her God and King, will she do it later in marriage? 

    2) Beauty is deeper than the skin

      ~ Alistair quickly made the point that just because beauty is deeper than the skin, it doesn't mean that you need to be searching for someone who is unattractive, just don't make that the priority. The priority should be looking for a girl with a meek and quiet spirit.

      ~ A natural radiance comes from time spent with the Lord, not from a bottle (of makeup). 

      ~(side note) If your a girl reading this, remember, God has created you just the way you are. Though it's not wrong to put time and energy into your outward appearance, don't bash yourself just because you don't look like the girl next to you. We are each unique and are all created in the Image of God!

  
  3) A girl should be an initiative taker with an attitude of submission 

       ~She works hard with her own initiative. She can pick up and finish a task without needing to be told. 

       ~ She should not be a bossy self opinionated person, she should serve willingly. A good way to know if a woman is cultivating this is to look at her relationship she has with her father.

      

   4) A girl should be a builder of confidence in others (eventually her husband)
       ~ She should dress in a way that shows she's not trying to be deliberately seductive. 
       ~She encourages him

   5) She displays {Kindness} that touches others
       ~ She shows this by expressing compassion and by holding a special tenderness towards others.
      ~ She's not afraid of being distinctly different that the opposite sex...she embraces her femininity. 

    6) She has a sense of humor that would help a marriage brave adversity.
      ~ A couple that can laugh together can get through rough spots much easier.

    At the end of the broadcast, Dennis Rainey came on and summed up this topic with his own list of things a girl should possess if your considering her as your spouse. At some level, I found them a little more helpful and to the point....enjoy! :)

  ~ Fears God and hopes in the Lord
  ~Honors her parents - it's easy to bring extra baggage into a relationship, don't let this be an area where that is the case. Look for someone who is good with relationships.   
  ~ Ability to ask for forgiveness and admits when she is wrong
  ~ She has a desire to be a wife and mother - not career oriented. She views her #1 ministry to be her husband and children. Ephesians 5 and Titus 2 are excellent chapter in the bible to do a deeper study on this.
  ~ Her character is displayed in her modest dress
  ~ She knows how to follow a man - she has a vice president mentality. A young woman needs to be able to follow even in decisions she doesn't agree with. She views her husband as the head of the home. 


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     I know I have been encouraged by this, and I hope you are to. As a young lady, I hope I can better prepare myself for one day being married. Practice by learning to be in community with others by loving God who will help you love others!

  ~Blessings~

Your Looking for What In a Spouse? ~ Part 1 of 2

“A good marriage is the union of two forgivers.” - Ruth Bell Graham

 

    Earlier this week I turned on a radio talk show series of Family Life Today that was in their archive. The topic of this broadcast was “Instructions to Women” (and I think good for guys as well) and I was excited to find that the speaker was Alistair Beg, someone who I've really come to enjoy and respect for his teaching and encouragement. In this broadcast, Alistair takes on a fatherly tone and exhorts the single women in his audience in the area of relationships, specifically, guy-girl relationships. I thought I would share with you some of what I was encouraged with.

   Though I grew up in a Christian home and am still able to enjoy seeing what a God glorifying relationship looks like through my parents, I know that many young women have not had that same privilege, thus their view or opinion of what to be looking for in a future spouse may be skewed. Even if you do have parents that are still married and love the Lord, it is always good to be encouraged in this area! Guys, if your reading this as well, I truly think this is just as good for you guys as it is for us girls!

   First and foremost, a young man needs to be committed to growing in a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. Does he fear God? Pslam 111:10 says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;
all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever!” This is important for MANY reasons. A young man who you are interested in marrying will at some point be your shepherd and guide should you one day get married. To put it bluntly, he will be the spiritual leader of your family. 1 Corinthians 11:3 says, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” 

  Second, he must be an individual of obvious integrity. He is honest to a fault. Don't you think that a person who struggles with lying and deception now will put that all aside once they are married? Old patterns die hard and a young man who falls into that trap now will much more easily lie to his wife later on. Now, what about the fact that we are all sinful and all struggle with different things? Alistair gives room for growth but says that if it is pointed out to him and he argues about it and tries to justify himself, you'd be better off to “kiss him goodbye” now as it will be to late later.

   Third, he needs to be a man who can lead boldly. Are you pursuing him or is he pursuing you? Can he make decisions by himself after weighing out his options? Alistair also exhorts girls not to settle for a leader who's decisions are domineering or selfish. This character trait is marked by an attitude of servitude and a willingness to submit to leadership. Does he seek the council and listen to older and wiser men?

   Fourth, he should display the ability to love sacrificially. This is detected in subtle ways such as, is he willing to jump in and help clean after a gathering and does he open doors for people with full arms? These are just a few ways, definitely not an exhaustive list. 

 

   Fifth, does he have to ability to laugh heartily? Can he laugh at his own mistakes and be okay with not being the hero of every situation? Look at his own humor, is it cruel or crass? (If your attracted to that kind of humor, you might want to take a careful look at your own heart and ask yourself why. Pray that the Lord would change that in you.)

   Sixth, which is last but not least, does he model genuine humility? Is he focused on others and their needs or does he predominantly focused on himself? Is he okay with another competitors success? Can he play second fiddle and not be the highlight of a party?

   Now, as I was writing this, I realized that some of you might be thinking, “Well, these are all good, but isn't this expecting to much out of a young man?” The conclusion I have come to myself in this area that they need to be showing an active desire to be growing in these areas. No one is perfect, I for sure am not perfect, therefore grace must be given.

   At the end of the broadcast, the host came on and added a few of his own encouragements, some of which I threw in with Alistair's. Two of them though I thought I would add separately as one is a delicate topic and not one I'm willing to get into and the second was good but didn't fit in with any of the other points.

1. Is the young man in control of his passions? He should not be looking to self satisfy and has a control on his emotions and desire for the opposite sex. If a young man is asking you to compromise your morals and biblical beliefs in the area of purity? If so, flee!
2. He should honor is parents. If it's important enough to have that rule in the 10 Commandments, is important enough to put it on this list. The way he treats his mom, will one day be similar to how he treats you. When he's with his dad, though he may not agree, he still respects him and shows him honor.

   I hope you were encouraged by this, I know I was when I listen to the broadcast. Don't think though that us girls are getting off scot free! Alistair also has a message on what girls should be and what young men need to be looking for in a spouse that I'm hoping to share with you soon. So, be prepared for some heart searching of your own!

~Blessings~