Your Looking for What In a Spouse? ~ Part 1 of 2

“A good marriage is the union of two forgivers.” - Ruth Bell Graham

 

    Earlier this week I turned on a radio talk show series of Family Life Today that was in their archive. The topic of this broadcast was “Instructions to Women” (and I think good for guys as well) and I was excited to find that the speaker was Alistair Beg, someone who I've really come to enjoy and respect for his teaching and encouragement. In this broadcast, Alistair takes on a fatherly tone and exhorts the single women in his audience in the area of relationships, specifically, guy-girl relationships. I thought I would share with you some of what I was encouraged with.

   Though I grew up in a Christian home and am still able to enjoy seeing what a God glorifying relationship looks like through my parents, I know that many young women have not had that same privilege, thus their view or opinion of what to be looking for in a future spouse may be skewed. Even if you do have parents that are still married and love the Lord, it is always good to be encouraged in this area! Guys, if your reading this as well, I truly think this is just as good for you guys as it is for us girls!

   First and foremost, a young man needs to be committed to growing in a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. Does he fear God? Pslam 111:10 says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;
all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever!” This is important for MANY reasons. A young man who you are interested in marrying will at some point be your shepherd and guide should you one day get married. To put it bluntly, he will be the spiritual leader of your family. 1 Corinthians 11:3 says, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” 

  Second, he must be an individual of obvious integrity. He is honest to a fault. Don't you think that a person who struggles with lying and deception now will put that all aside once they are married? Old patterns die hard and a young man who falls into that trap now will much more easily lie to his wife later on. Now, what about the fact that we are all sinful and all struggle with different things? Alistair gives room for growth but says that if it is pointed out to him and he argues about it and tries to justify himself, you'd be better off to “kiss him goodbye” now as it will be to late later.

   Third, he needs to be a man who can lead boldly. Are you pursuing him or is he pursuing you? Can he make decisions by himself after weighing out his options? Alistair also exhorts girls not to settle for a leader who's decisions are domineering or selfish. This character trait is marked by an attitude of servitude and a willingness to submit to leadership. Does he seek the council and listen to older and wiser men?

   Fourth, he should display the ability to love sacrificially. This is detected in subtle ways such as, is he willing to jump in and help clean after a gathering and does he open doors for people with full arms? These are just a few ways, definitely not an exhaustive list. 

 

   Fifth, does he have to ability to laugh heartily? Can he laugh at his own mistakes and be okay with not being the hero of every situation? Look at his own humor, is it cruel or crass? (If your attracted to that kind of humor, you might want to take a careful look at your own heart and ask yourself why. Pray that the Lord would change that in you.)

   Sixth, which is last but not least, does he model genuine humility? Is he focused on others and their needs or does he predominantly focused on himself? Is he okay with another competitors success? Can he play second fiddle and not be the highlight of a party?

   Now, as I was writing this, I realized that some of you might be thinking, “Well, these are all good, but isn't this expecting to much out of a young man?” The conclusion I have come to myself in this area that they need to be showing an active desire to be growing in these areas. No one is perfect, I for sure am not perfect, therefore grace must be given.

   At the end of the broadcast, the host came on and added a few of his own encouragements, some of which I threw in with Alistair's. Two of them though I thought I would add separately as one is a delicate topic and not one I'm willing to get into and the second was good but didn't fit in with any of the other points.

1. Is the young man in control of his passions? He should not be looking to self satisfy and has a control on his emotions and desire for the opposite sex. If a young man is asking you to compromise your morals and biblical beliefs in the area of purity? If so, flee!
2. He should honor is parents. If it's important enough to have that rule in the 10 Commandments, is important enough to put it on this list. The way he treats his mom, will one day be similar to how he treats you. When he's with his dad, though he may not agree, he still respects him and shows him honor.

   I hope you were encouraged by this, I know I was when I listen to the broadcast. Don't think though that us girls are getting off scot free! Alistair also has a message on what girls should be and what young men need to be looking for in a spouse that I'm hoping to share with you soon. So, be prepared for some heart searching of your own!

~Blessings~